So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
