you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
