I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ok first of all what the fuck
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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