Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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