Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
