The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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