Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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