I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize