is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
