put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
