we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
