Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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