we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
