i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
