So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize