too bad you live with your parents still
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
