I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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