I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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