so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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