i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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