there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
