if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
