I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
