remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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