The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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