I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My cat gives me a boner
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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