You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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