Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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