You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dick very happy bro
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