someone get that fucking seahorse.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
