Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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