After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I want a musical about memes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
