i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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