Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
