capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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