Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
