I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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