Duck Duck Cougar?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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