i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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