i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
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Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."