The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?