I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.