Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up