And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay