wrigley field is MILF paradise
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
