When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
