drinking out of a sandbucket again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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