i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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