I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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