My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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