Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bring money and cleavage
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
