I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
