i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
