direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
