i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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