I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
