my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
