hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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