I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
