Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
