I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
