I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
