Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you had me at cake vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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