I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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